Questions for Parents to Ask Basketball Players

By Christopher Corbett, founder of BasketballTrainer.com and AustinYouthBasketball.com, co-founder of BasketballHQ.com and CoachTube.com. Former college point guard who still competes in European masters tournaments. Parent of two basketball players—one in college, one finishing her senior year. I’ve coached rec and select teams, made plenty of mistakes along the way, and learned a lot from parents, coaches, players who did it better than me.

I’ve trained thousands of basketball players over the past two decades. I’ve raised two of my own—one played college ball, the other through high school. I’ve coached select teams and played collegiately myself.

You’d think all that experience would mean I always know the right thing to say to a young player. I don’t. I’ve blown it plenty of times. Said the wrong thing after a tough loss. Pushed when I should have listened. Turned car rides into interrogations when my kid just wanted silence.

But I’ve also watched some amazing sports parents. I’ve seen questions land perfectly—opening up conversations that actually helped a player grow. And I’ve learned that the best thing a parent can do isn’t give answers. It’s ask better questions.

This guide is about those questions—what to ask, when to ask it, and how to avoid turning curiosity into pressure.

The Car Ride Rule

Before we get to the questions, let’s talk about timing.

The car ride home after a game is not the time for deep questions. Your kid is processing. They’re tired. They’re either riding high or beating themselves up. Anything you ask in that window will feel like evaluation, even if you don’t mean it that way.

My rule: keep the car ride light. Ask if they’re hungry. Ask if they want music or silence. Let them bring up the game if they want to. If they don’t, that’s fine.

Save the real questions for later—the next day, or during a calm moment that week. Questions land better when emotions have settled.

Start Here: The 3 Questions That Matter Most

If you only ask three questions this entire season, make it these:

1. “What was fun today?”

This reframes the experience around enjoyment, not performance. It reminds both of you why they’re playing in the first place. You’d be surprised how often kids forget to notice the fun when they’re caught up in competing.

2. “What are you working on?”

This shows interest in their development without evaluating their performance. It puts the focus on process, not results. And it opens the door for them to share what they’re thinking about without feeling judged.

3. “How can I support you?”

This question changed my relationship with my daughter during her high school career. It signals that you’re on their side, not grading them. The answer might surprise you—sometimes they want you at every game, sometimes they want space. But asking gives them agency.

Questions for Specific Situations

After a Tough Loss or Bad Game

These moments are delicate. Your kid already knows they didn’t play well. They don’t need analysis.

Wait at least 24 hours, then try:

• “That was a tough one. How are you feeling about it now?”
• “What’s one thing you want to work on before the next game?”
• “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Avoid: “What happened out there?” or “Why didn’t you [shoot/pass/defend]?” Those questions feel like blame, even when you don’t intend them that way.

The goal isn’t to fix the game. It’s to help them process and move forward.

After a Great Game

Celebration is important, but be careful not to make your approval contingent on performance. Kids notice when you’re more engaged after wins.

• “You seemed like you were having fun out there. Were you?”
• “What clicked for you today?”
• “How did it feel when [specific positive moment] happened?”

Notice these questions focus on their experience, not your evaluation. “You played great” is fine, but “What felt good to you?” invites them to own their success.

When They’re Frustrated With Playing Time

This is one of the hardest conversations. You’re probably frustrated too. But piling your frustration onto theirs doesn’t help.

• “What has Coach said about what you need to work on?”
• “What do you think you can control in this situation?”
• “Is there anything you want me to do, or would you rather handle this yourself?”

The last question is important. Sometimes kids want you to advocate for them. Sometimes they want to figure it out on their own. Asking lets them decide.

What I’ve learned: the players who earn more playing time are usually the ones who respond to frustration by working harder, not by having their parents complain to the coach.

During the Season (Regular Check-ins)

You don’t need a special occasion to check in. But keep it conversational, not interrogational.

• “How’s the team feeling about the season so far?”
• “What part of your game do you feel best about right now?”
• “Is there anything about basketball that’s stressing you out?”
• “What’s something you’ve learned this season—about basketball or anything else?”

I try to ask these during normal moments—over dinner, running errands, when there’s no game pressure nearby. The casual context makes honest answers more likely.

In the Off-Season

The off-season is great for bigger-picture conversations when the pressure of competition is off.

• “What do you want to work on before next season?”
• “What are your goals for next year—for yourself and for the team?”
• “Is basketball still fun for you? What would make it more fun?”
• “What did you learn about yourself this past season?”

That last question is one of my favorites. Basketball teaches kids about themselves—how they handle pressure, how they respond to failure, how they work with others. Helping them see those lessons makes the sport about more than just the sport.

Questions to Avoid

Some questions sound innocent but consistently backfire:

“Why didn’t you shoot?” — Sounds like criticism disguised as curiosity.

“Did you see what [teammate] did wrong?” — Teaches them to blame others.

“What was the coach thinking?” — Models disrespect for authority.

“Don’t you want to win?” — Implies they don’t care enough.

“Did you have fun?” (immediately after a loss) — Feels dismissive of their disappointment.

The common thread: questions that have a “right answer” you’re looking for aren’t really questions. They’re judgments in disguise. Kids can tell the difference.

How to Ask

The quality of your questions matters less than how you ask them.

Be genuinely curious. If you’re asking to make a point, they’ll sense it. If you’re asking because you actually want to know, they’ll sense that too.

Don’t rapid-fire. One question at a time. Give them space to think. Silence is okay.

Accept short answers. Sometimes “fine” or “I don’t know” is all you’re going to get. That’s not failure. Pushing harder rarely helps.

Listen more than you talk. The goal is to understand their experience, not to share your analysis. You can offer perspective if they ask for it—but wait for them to ask.

Follow up later. If they mention something interesting, bring it up again a few days later. “Hey, you mentioned you were working on your left hand. How’s that going?” This shows you were actually listening.

Questions That Build the Relationship

Beyond the basketball-specific stuff, some questions just help you stay connected:

• “What’s the best part of being on this team?”
• “Who on the team do you learn the most from?”
• “What does being a basketball player mean to you?”
• “What would you tell a younger kid who’s just starting basketball?”

These questions invite reflection without pressure. They help you understand how your kid sees themselves and their place in the sport.

I asked my daughter the last one during her senior year. We were driving somewhere—I don’t even remember where—and it just came out. “If you could go back and tell freshman-year you something about basketball, what would it be?”

She thought for a minute. Then she said, “I’d tell her it’s going to be hard, and that’s the point.”

Four years of wins, losses, benchings, breakthroughs, frustration, and growth—and she’d distilled it into that. She wasn’t talking about the championships or the stats. She was talking about the struggle itself being valuable.

I didn’t say much. I just let it sit there. But that moment told me she’d learned exactly what I hoped basketball would teach her. Not from anything I said—from what she lived through.

The Real Goal

The questions in this guide aren’t tricks to get your kid to open up. They’re invitations to connect.

Some conversations will be great. Some will go nowhere. Some questions will land perfectly one day and fall flat the next. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to have perfect conversations—it’s to show up with genuine curiosity and let your kid know you’re interested in their experience, not just their performance.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes as a basketball parent. But the times I got it right were almost always when I asked a good question and then just listened.

That’s what I want for you too.

Frequently Asked Questions

My kid gives one-word answers to everything. How do I get them to open up?

You probably can’t force it—and trying harder often backfires. Some kids just aren’t verbal processors. Instead of more questions, try statements: “That looked like a tough game” or “You seemed frustrated in the second half.” Sometimes observations invite conversation better than questions do. Also, check your timing. Car rides right after games are usually the worst time. Try during a meal, or while you’re doing something else together. And honestly? Some kids open up more to coaches, teammates, or other parents than to their own mom or dad. That’s not failure. That’s normal.

What if I disagree with what my kid says about the coach or their playing time?

Listen first. Let them get it out without correcting them. Then ask: “What do you think you can control?” You can gently offer perspective—”I wonder if coach is seeing it differently”—but don’t argue their feelings. If you jump to the coach’s defense every time, your kid will stop sharing with you. Your job isn’t to fix their perception. It’s to help them learn to navigate difficult situations.

How do I ask about basketball without it feeling like pressure?

Ask about the experience, not the performance. “What was fun?” instead of “How’d you play?” “What are you working on?” instead of “How many points?” Also, ask about basketball the same way you ask about other parts of their life—casually, not intensely. If every question about basketball feels loaded, they’ll avoid the topic. And make sure you’re showing interest in other things too. If basketball is the only thing you ask about, that sends a message.

My kid wants to quit. What questions should I ask?

Start with: “Tell me more about that.” Don’t try to talk them out of it immediately. Understand what’s driving it—is it the sport, the team, the coach, the time commitment, or something else entirely? Then ask: “If you could change one thing about basketball right now, what would it be?” Sometimes kids say they want to quit when they really want something specific to change. And finally: “What would you do with that time instead?” Help them think it through. If they’ve genuinely lost the love for it, forcing them to continue usually makes things worse.

Should I ask questions even when things are going well?

Yes—maybe especially then. If you only check in when there’s a problem, they’ll associate your questions with something being wrong. Regular, low-key check-ins during good times build the habit of talking. It also helps you understand what they love about basketball when they’re not frustrated, which is useful context when hard times come.

What’s the one question I should ask more often?

“How can I support you?” It puts them in control. It signals you’re on their team. And the answer often surprises you—sometimes they want more involvement, sometimes less, sometimes something specific you’d never have guessed. Asking regularly reminds them that your support isn’t contingent on their performance.

I’ve been on both sides—as a parent trying to figure out what to say and as a trainer watching families navigate youth basketball. The parents who ask great questions raise kids who love the game longer. I hope this helps you become one of them.